If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My ass is underappreciated
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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