It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
