tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
