morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
