also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
