Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
