Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
