Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
