You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
