I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
