Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
