physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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