Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
