I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
