upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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