He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
