Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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