Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
