u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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