Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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