Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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