just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In America we eat man semen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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