Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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