Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
