I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
