Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
