1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
