a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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