he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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