It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
