I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
