I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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