Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
