Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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