fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
