I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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