Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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