my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
