btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
farters have to be the big spoon...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
