Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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