Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
