It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
