I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sober January is a disaster.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
