Hippo gnu deer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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