They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
