How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
