My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
