long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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