Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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