Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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