that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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